Random Quote Generator:
Prompts for Text Colour
Includes Disappearing Comment
How to Use it: This button inserts a Random Quote Generator script into your document. When used, this script will randomly choose a phrase out of it's database and cause it to scroll across the screen.
Currently the script contains 61 sayings:
|Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.|
|Give me ambiguity or give me something else.|
|Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.|
|HTMLers do it Graphically.|
|I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.|
|All generalizations are false.|
|I mean what I say but I don't always say what I mean.|
|I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.|
|It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.|
|Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.|
|Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.|
|Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.|
|My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.|
|Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!|
|C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.|
|As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.|
|RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure|
|Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue|
|'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' - Bill Gates, 1981|
|Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!|
|I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!|
|Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.|
|Don't take life so seriously ... it's not permanent|
|OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?|
|Ever stop to think and forget to start again?|
|Indecision is the key to flexibility|
|The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant|
|Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world|
|Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it|
|Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience|
|Back up my hard drive? How do I put it into reverse?|
|Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it|
|You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you|
|I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?|
|Despite the cost of living, do you notice how it remains so popular?|
|The only wasted bandwidth is unused bandwidth|
|Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.|
|Stock up and save. Limit: one.|
|C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL|
|C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN|
|Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! STAAAY...|
|Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or file name!'|
|C:\ File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)|
|All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?|
|DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS|
|Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...|
|Illiterate? Write today for free help.|
|Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.|
|Rehab is for quitters.|
|Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.|
|Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.|
|There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.|
|If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.|
|One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.|
|By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.|
|The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.|
|When you've seen one non sequitur, the price of tea in China.|
|An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.|
|Sometimes the giant hamster of misfortune doesn't want to run on anybody's wheel but yours.|
|Never raise a hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.|
|My life sucks so bad that my ears pop just thinking about it.|
You may of course change some or all of those as you see fit, see below.
This script is best used as (or as part of) a sig. To use it, position your cursor in the approximate position that you wish the phrase to appear (near the bottom of your document, but before the </body> tag), then press the Quote button.
You will be prompted for a colour. This is the colour that the text will appear in. The text will appear in the form of a marquee that travels from right to left. It will be approximately 50% of the width of the screen.
The text will appear in what ever the default font for your stationery is. If you also use the Embedded Font Script, then the text of this script will appear in the embedded font.
Since this, as is the case with all scripts, does not function in the Outlook Express Compose window, I have added one of my disappearing comments to mark the location the script will occupy in the message once it is sent.
You can of course customize this script so that it suits your needs. If you wish to alter one or more of the possibilities for the random quote, find the portion in the script where the sayings are located (it should be pretty obvious), and make the change. The quotes must be in the format:
quote[#]="Your Quote Here."
Be sure to preserve this formatting. Be careful about the punctuation you use in your phrase - if it includes " marks then you may end up with some unexpected results.
You can also add more quotes to the database. Again, enter your quotes in the above format. When you add more phrases, you will need to make an additional change. The script must be told how many sayings there now are. Find the var howMany = 60 line and change the number 60 to reflect the new number of phrases.
When you add more quotes to this script, be sure to assign each one a new number in the quote [#] statement, and please number them sequentially.
You can also change the way that the script displays. By using the normal marquee techniques (see Marquee and Right-Click Menu for further details), you can edit this line:
document.writeln('<marquee border="0" scrolldelay="100" style="color: #0000ff; font-weight: bold;" width="50%">' +quox+ '</marquee>')
You can alter this so that the marquee travels in a different direction, or at a different speed, or font or whatever you like. Be careful when you edit this line to preserve the punctuation, if you accidentally delete the wrong thing the script will not work.
See Customizing for instructions on how to make these changes permanent .